When Renee Met Kenny - the Aftermath

Posted by J.J. Kincaid

So is Kenny Chesney gay? My guess is that unless you're Renee Zellweger's 'ist (ie, publicist, hairstylist etc), you fall into three camps: 1) Who is Kenny Chesney? 2) Do I care? Or 3) Pass the pretzels.

Obviously Renee is extremely pissed because her attempts at getting even with Jack White seriously backfired. If that was not the case, this would be a divorce instead of an annulment and we'd be discussing the merits of "mutual agreement" instead of "fraud".

Peyton Manning is married. His brother is a quarterback. His father was a quarterback. He comes from New Orleans. The only gay white men you'll ever find in New Orleans dress in drag. So Kenny jabbers on the phone a lot with his college buddy. Maybe Renee got to see a sneak preview of Ang Lee's upcoming "Brokeback Mountain" and felt inspired. If you're going to come up with something like that, you better find some strange hotel bills and witnesses from rival fraternities.

Let's say Kenny is gay though. Note to Renee - this is why you take time and investigate these things before going through barefoot marriages by the sea. It's not like you didn't have the financial resources.

Oh by the way - if you're desperate to have children - with or without Kenny, you still have the old fashioned way. Get knocked up? I know that's a tough thing for neurotics or their poster children to endure. But give it a shot. Who knows - you might even like it. Although sometimes the physical process that leads to children is too difficult to endure because, deep down, you might actually be a.......NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I'm not going there!

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