Sylvester Stallone Agrees To Do Rocky VI And Rambo IV

Yo Adrian! I've Still Got A Career!

Okay, let me get this straight - Sylvester Stallone is going to make BOTH Rocky VI and Rambo IV. Is this April 1? Is some moron actually going to pay him to do this stuff?

Right off the bat, Rocky V was a complete and utter bust which didn't even attract the die-hards. Given Sly's age, the only way he could enter a ring is with Depends under his shorts. Rambo III fared a little better - I can only imagine how many Republicans still use it a motivational tool - but, at this point in life, Rambo would have to be retired from active duty and learning how to spell "colostomy bag".

I guess royalty checks have withered down and Sly needs something to resurrect a career that has been pretty much declared DOA since "Demolition Man" in the mid-80's. Why can't modern Hollywood actors age gracefully? Robert Redford seems to be. I guess Clint Eastwood is too (although it took him to about age 70 to realize that shtupping 30+ years younger women onscreen verges on creepy.)

One of these days, the A-listers are going to realize that you can grow old and live comfortably off those $10-million paydays by simply cutting the arsenal of agents, managers, lawyers, public relations staff, and the sixteen-member garden and kitchen staff and use the savings on a simple 3-bedroom house and a golf membership (what? You thought only rappers have posses? They're mere urchins compared to some of these white folks!)

In the meantime, the rest of us have to brace ourselves for events like Rocky VI...

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