Spiderman 3: The Kerry Review

Oh my god, I hated this movie. Is that heresy? If so, I totally don't care.

I really liked the first Spiderman movie, even though I thought Tobey Maguire only had one facial expression. That became even more evident when he had to express more emotions in Spidey 2. In this movie, his total inability to get rid of the nerdy grin was debilitating and brutally bad.

Knowing that I intensely dislike Tobey Maguire's acting abilities (or lack thereof), why did I go? So I wouldn't feel totally culturally irrelevant. Judging by today's Cinemascope score that judges audience reactions, I am not alone. Normally a huge blockbuster (like, say Pirates of the Caribbean) scores an A or an A+. Spidey 3 scored a B+, which about correlates with the metacritic.com score of 60% and a 61% fresh rating (squeaking into freshness by the skin of Viper's teeth) on RottenTomatoes.com.

So, the movie made about $150 million in three days. At an average of $7 per ticket (in the US, and yeah, that's actually still the average price per ticket there, the bastards), that means 21.4 million people saw this movie this weekend. That's 19% of the total population of the US and Canada, by the way. Mull on that for a second.

I just couldn't stand not to be one of that 19%. I just had to be there, and spend my $10 (or not spend it, thanks to Uncle Michael and the gift certificate that never dies!). Now I can say I'm a lemming, just like the other 21.39 million of you who went.

I'm not going to talk about the story, the plot, or the acting other than to say it sucked. All of it. The special effects were interesting, I'll give them that. I will say this: do NOT, for the love of all that's good and holy, take a child younger than 10, maybe 8 if they're good with scary stuff, to this movie. I jumped out of my seat three times, and it's violent as all heck! There was a little kid, like 3, sitting in our row and he seemed totally unfazed but really? Do you want your kid seeing the below clip? I think not.

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