Slime Scene Investigation

Slime Scene Investigation

Can anybody provide a coherent explanation as to why CSI is the most-watched show on TV not starring Simon Cowell? I really don't get it. About the only thing I can figure out is that, perhaps, the "ER" fan club direly needed somewhere to go once George Clooney shifted his talents to local bars and the big screen and Anthony Edwards shifted his talents to...sitting at home and living off the syndication royalties (or developing the script for "Revenge of the Nerds V" in case the royalties dry up.)

When you really break it down, CSI (and the two cross-continental Miami and New York spawn for that matter) is nothing more than slick visual television for idiots. Every single script is so paint-by-numbers that you'd swear the production company fired the writers three years ago and let a computer take over (which might really be true because the credits seem to display about 64 different producers but damn if I can find a screenplay writer). Think I'm kidding? Tell me every episode (except that inane Quentin Tarantino-directed finale two seasons ago) does not basically feature the following:

One corpse graphically mutilated, or as beaten to a pulp as the network standards department at CBS will tolerate.

At least two shots of some body sprayed with a mixture of molasses and red dye #5 to give it that "real" blood look.

At least 30 minutes of the episode shot through a blue-filtered camera lens.

Roughly 12-15 parts of the human anatomy that neither you nor I would not have a clue about without either a medical encyclopedia or an NFL football commentator present.

A minimum of five scenes or descriptions that, if uttered by Howard Stern on radio, would net him about a $25,000 FCC fine. However, since the mere "raison d'etre" implies some kind of educational value, I guess CBS can get away with it.

Add ice, stir, and pour. To be perfect honest, I have also never seen a show more cliché-riddled since "Three's Company" in its' prime. And don't get me started about the (over)acting! Can somebody explain to the producers that the cast of "The Sopranos" have to act tough because they are, well, The Mob but overly aggressive CSIers in real life would get nothing but laughed out of court by a judge so they don't do it (at least without warrants for starters.)

Maybe cheese like this is why we needed the invention of satellite radio....

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