Hell's Angel of the Month: May

Posted by J.J. Kincaid

I was getting bored there for awhile. While the entertainment business is loaded with self-delusional morons, I couldn't find anybody for three months that merited that special degree of award for rising so high above the swamp of slush.

Then I figured it was time to give Britney Spears an honor - especially in light of hitting the "three strikes" honor for baby maintenance (1 - stick on lap on front seat; 2 - let Sean tumble over in high chair; 3 - install car seat backwards.) I would have even risked the wrath of those who adhere to some nutty thing called "Dummy Mummy Syndrome" which allows pregnant moms to be excused for anything and everything - well, because somebody needs to explain to me the "before" and "after" cases of the likes of Brooke Shields or Angelina Jolie.

Then I hit paydirt. The McCartneys split up. The McCARTNEY'S SPLIT UP?!?!?! WOO HOO!!!!!!!!!!

For the new recipient, I proudly present the one and only ..... Heather Mills McCartney.

Is this woman a piece of work or what? This line of the joint press release (translation: the crap that we paid some PR flunkie a good chunk of Pounds to hash up) puts it nicely:

"The couple, who have been married for four years, said they had "with sadness" agreed to split after finding it "increasingly difficult" to maintain a normal relationship in the glare of the public eye."

Increasingly diffiicult to do WHAT in the public eye, ya wanker (one of the great British terms foisted on the populace)? Parade around with your husband to promote your causes like, oh I don't know, eliminating land mines? Banning seal hunts? Furs? Other things you have no clue about nor attempt to other than using your husband's famous name, face, and persona to gather up bucks of cameramen and newshounds to shamlessly promote your wishes? And you really hated those TV cameras. That's why you avoided interview shows like the plague (sarcasm fully intended).

I'm sorry - was this press arrival a sudden thing? Gee, I didn't know that Paul McCartney lived in a cave for the last 35 years and all of sudden got all this attention because he married the woman otherwise best known for waving her artificial leg in front of Larry King.

Difficulty mainataing a normal relationship? After what? The previous divorce and two quashed engagements? And boy, wasn't that media glare intrusive when you forewent a nice little wedding in front of a presiding judge in favor of a spectacular monster party in rural Ireland? And, gee, think of all the strain that was happening when you decided that Paul could use another off-spring and to hell with your two previous ectopical pregnancies.

Take a bow, Heather - you earned this award of merit handily. And until somebody can show me that there's something called "Dummy Peg-Leg Syndrome", it wasn't even close. Somebody bring back Linda from the grave. Her singing was hilariously atrocious but at least her brains could be found much higher than the genitila level.

Articles:

Paul McCartney and Heather Mills split up [The Guardian UK]

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