Gaghan Me With a Spoon

Gaghan Me With a Spoon

Let me open by saying that whatever cappuccino-sipping front office CBS moron in New York badgered the producers of "The Amazing Race" into creating a "family edition" with families touring such hot American sites as oversized shoe-shaped houses in Pennsylvania should be dragged into the heart of Times Square and repeatedly flogged with a wet fish.

"The Amazing Race" has been the best reality TV show around because of a) pace; b) simplicity; and c) an inate ability to show Americans that there is an interesting world across the oceans. Instead of doing the natural thing and just let the reputation of the show grow, somebody got the idea that cheap ratings could be had first by doing an edition featuring Rob and Amber from "Survivor" (which would have failed until somebody strung those two by their necks after the first leg when they just cruised along awaiting the easy paycheck.) Now we get "family edition".

Normally, this is where I'd get into a protracted discussion about how utterly stupid it is to subject little children to sleep, food, and liquid deprivation for the sake of "competition" and victory at all costs.

That was until the Gaghan kids came along.

Just when I thought Dakota Fanning had the title of Most Annoying Child in a Visual Medium sewn up (my suggestion for a new Nickleodeon award by the way although, since Nickleodeon is owned by Viacom, a division of CBS, I guess I don't have much of a shot at acceptance now) along comes these two annoying little rugrats.

The Gaghan kids remind me of the children you see in restaurants that play with their Gameboys at the table so the parents have an easy way of keeping their mouths shut (as opposed to say using real parenting, a lost art in the modern era.) But since Nintendo didn't fork over some good sponsorship moolah, I guess producers were stuck with watching these little diablos ridicule other players and their own parents.

The only redeeming news is that they were eliminated this week. Not that the little girl tried otherwise giving Phil Keoghan one of those pouts synonymous with dogs left outside for three hours in a driving rainstorm. Phil tried to play Dr. Phil by reminding her that she was the youngest contestant ever to end up in the top six. Personally, I was hoping that one of the other families would just bring them a couple of McDonald's Happy Meals and told them to run along. Oh well. Maybe they'll get a bowling date with Dakota Fanning....

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