Canadian Karaoke Idol

Posted by J.J. Kincaid

Okay, I've had it. Somebody kill this show before it's too late!

Paula Abdul isn't in hiding over the Corey Clark fiasco. Her soul just permeated Ben Mulroney's body. Why doesn't he just walk on stage in pom poms and a skirt and get it over with? I actually think he's got a real cool pair of parents but I wish one of them would play Homer to Ben's Bart and give the guy a good reality strangle. This year's "talent" completely stinks. Week after week, the final ten bore more resemblance to Karaoke Night at the Frat House than anything resembling an actual singing and performing competition.

It's time to realize that the format won't work in Canada. Three years into the show and it's obvious that at least 7 out of 10 viewers are girls between the ages of 14 and 17 and overwhelmingly reside in Southern Ontario. The meaning of this is that some sub-marginal crooner from their parts inexplicably cracks the top five (in case you're wondering why our version of American Idol's Scott Seavol, Aaron Walpole, is still mulling about.) And the winner will always be the pencil thin near-androgynous male (Rex Goudie this time) beating out the "she would be such a fun pillow talk friend" female (Melissa this year. Yes, I know it was Gary in year one but please - is anybody really convinced that he had testicles?)

All four judges have either been conned by the producers to pretend there's talent up on the stage or are just flat-out high on dope. And does Sass Jordan want to make it any more obvious about her implants? I don't remember a single week when the two-hit wonder didn't come out in regulation down-to-here u-cut top with boobs slapped on the table and never permitted to move an inch. I hope they keep the air conditioning pumping in the John Bassett Theatre - otherwise she's got to be breeding bugs under there. Maybe she's hoping Maxim will notice - not a bad thing since it'll give her more North American exposure than her life as Canadian Content Radio Filler ever did.

In 2005, all the good Canadian crooners without recording contracts obviously decided to ply their wares to become the new lead singer for INXS (except Tara Sloane - the Canadian music version of Brigitte Bako.)

In the meantime, I'd experience less pain stretching my scrotum with a metal hanger than watching this program. I'm fleeing to Rock Star: INXS...

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