Can somebody find out who stole good children's television

Can somebody find out who stole good children's television and hang that bastard, please?

Put aside "Sesame Street" for a moment (although if the Cookie Monster converts to apple slices, we might have to reconsider). In recent years, some hoity-toity do-gooders committee deemed that you can't find the Bugs Bunny show anymore, or at least without it being severely edited, because too many of the cartoons were too violent and turn every four year-old into a machine-gun wielding psychopath.

Let's get to the point - a group of animators and creative storytellers came up with Looney Tunes. From those cartoons, we learned that if you fire a hunting rifle, it's going to make a real loud noise and blow an animal's head clean off. Or if you run over the edge of a cliff like Wile E. Coyote, you're going to fall awful far and go "splat" when it ends. I don't know too many kids who took up hunting or ran off cliffs in the 70's and 80's, do you?

Today, an ungodly number of child psychiatrists and ivory tower lugnuts with education doctorates - going by the credits - came up with "Dora the Explorer". "Dora" must be proof that parents no longer heed any attention to what their kids watch. Besides the ten words of Spanish that one can learn over the course of a season (and see where that will take you in Quebec), we can surmise the following:

1) Feel free to tote a backpack and run away from your parents at any time. Especially true when you have a nice jungle nearby.

2) Make sure you are accompanied. A puny little monkey who wears boots should do the trick.

3) Forget the Boy/Girl Scout lessons about always carrying flint, a source of light, a knife, and a compass at all times. A paper map will do.

4) Any fox can be shooed away by three utterances of the phrase "swipers, no swiping" (although I wish that would apply to 9 out of every 10 politicians I have ever come across.)

Wonderful. You know what? I think I'll show my son porn instead. Maybe it's degrading but at least it's realistic human interaction. All I could tell him after a "Dora" episode is that he'd be as safe acting like her as he would wearing a belt full of lit explosives down the main road in Tel Aviv...

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