A note to the kid I got kicked out of the cinema on Saturday

I went to see Stomp The Yard Saturday (I had to type that four times - it is shockingly hard to type!) at South Keys cinema. It was me, another woman in her 30s and about, oh, 200 or so people between the age of 11 and maybe 21.

I'm not ashamed of my rampant love of dance movies. I'm truly not. I don't normally go to see them when there are going to be other people around, however, particularly teenagers. Why, you ask? I'll tell you why. It all has to do with Ponyboy, aka Isabella, one of my best friends.

Back in the day, Isabella and I went to a cheap tuesday showing of Save the Last Dance, staring Julia Stiles and that other guy who was in Barbershop as the stuck up dude. In fact, it was about this time of year. Anyway, we went on a Tuesday night, at South Keys, which is very transit friendly and thus prone to being packed with teenagers. This was also around the time when there were a lot of swarmings in that area.

So, you know the story of Save the Last Dance - girl's mother dies and she goes to live with her skeezy father in the hood in Chi-town; girl meets hot black boy; young love ensues; boy's unwed mother but fabulously dressed sister breaks them up; girl decides to reapply for julliard where she was auditioning when informed that her mother had died en route to her audition; girl gets in. Sorry if you haven't seen it, but it's not much of a spoiler.

Anyway, the judge from Julliard is a bit of a prick. The posse of teenage girls behind us were more than a bit obnoxious - I went to get the manager four times because they would not shut up. Every time the manager came in, they stopped talking (quel surprise). So, at the end of the movie, the judge from Julliard makes some smartass comment and the girl behind Isabella says "I'd like to punch him right in the head". Isabella says, facing forwards, "I'd like to punch you in the head". The girl didn't hear her, but her little silent friend did and decided to tell obnoxious girl )OG) what Isabella said as the credits were rolling.

OG gets all offended (quel surprise) and asks Isabella if she wants to "take it outside". I start laughing, and she asks me if I "want to go". Isabella is now getting right into it, trashtalking and stuff right back at her, and the girl makes like she's going to lunge over the row of seats at us. We hustled out of there and over to the customer service booth where we got free movie passes and an escort to my car. The girls were escorted to the transitway by the cinema's security people. I've called Isabella "Ponyboy" ever since. If you're not old enough to get that reference, I'm not explaining it.

So, on Saturday I went to the 4somthing show. That was my first mistake. My second was sitting not in the front row. My third was not moving when I became surrounded by two rows (mine and the one in front) of kids who I swear were in grade 8 - four boys, five girls.

About 1/2 way through the movie, I couldn't take the kid in front of me anymore. He was really short, wearing a white toque, and didn't shut up. The kid had his fricking iPod out and was playing it loud enough for me to be able to hear it over the sound of people stomping. I asked him and the girl he was trying to impress (a foot taller than him) to stop talking and all their friends shushed them. And then I just couldn't take it anymore.

I went to the bathroom and en route snagged the manager. I pointed out the dude by saying he was the one in the white toque facing away from the screen playing with an iPod (with a stupidly lit screen). I didn't watch her confront him. That was mistake number four.

I came back from the bathroom and the guy sitting next to me was gone. He hadn't made a fricking sound for the whole movie but he was apparently who the guy in front of me had given his iPod to when he turned around. And yes, on reflection, he was also wearing a white toque.

I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for you to get kicked out. I meant for your punkass no manners brought up in a barn friend to get kicked out. I'm so very sorry. No, really? I'm sorry. I'd like to give you the gift of a movie if you read this. Your punkass friend I'd like to give a boot in the ass to, but to you, I'd like to make it up.

In the end, I spent the last 20 minutes of the movie in the back of the cinema, wearing my jacket and scarf, so that I could sneak out as soon as the climactic dance scene was over. I didn't want to get rolled by the nice kid's 6' tall friend, and I didn't want to laugh if a 13 year old a whole foot shorter than I am tried to "take me outside" or asked if I "want to go". I blended with the women leaving The Holiday and booted home at Mach 2.

Isabella thinks I'm the Ponyboy now. I think I might have to concur. Doh.

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