Golden Global Gaga

Quick Link Round-Up:
• 'Brokeback Mountain' Leads Golden Globe Race With Seven Nominations [MTV]
• Critics favour Brokeback Mountain [BBC]
• The Official Golden Globes 'Nominees List' Press Release [HFPA]
• Desperate Housewives dominates Golden Globes TV shortlist [RTE]
• Globes reaction: Huge snubs and noteworthy nods [USAToday]

Today the nominees for the 2006 Golden Globe Awards are announced.

Yeah, the easiest thing to say about award shows is that they are glorified fashion displays masquerading as boring, pompous escapes of endless self-flagellation. There's nothing wrong with this. In exchange, the rest of us get a refreshing alternative to watching, say, the fruits (no pun intended) of their labor.

What we need to talk about though is who on EARTH got the idea that the Golden Globes are a "major" forecaster for both the Academy Award nominees and winners? Every darn winter I have to read endless mainstream press lineage that tosses in this line like gospel. Honestly, this point is about as factually accurate as "guns kill people" (attention: the trigger doesn't pull itself. I realize this fact would leave do-gooders like Michael Moore with a lot less to complain about but that's just the way it is...)

The Golden Globes are nothing but a glorified PR machine. The nominees and winners are all determined by this thing called the Hollywood Foreign Press Association. While this sounds like some kind of international consortium of critics and entertainment figures, nothing is farther from the truth. The membership is comprised of "international" writers – yes, writers – who reside full-time in Southern California (Residency in La-La Land is actually a requirement for both being and remaining a member.) Practically none of the members actually write in the area of film criticism and none actually work in any of the industry trades. In fact, few even see movies at all (outside of "press junkets" paid for by the studios whereby you get to spend 2-5 minutes interviewing cast members, but you certainly don't get to see the actual movie.)

So how do they nominate? Pretty simple. They read press hype. If you look throughout the history of the nominations, the bulk of the films nominated are commercially released after U.S. Thanksgiving. In fact, some of those films aren't even released until after they are nominated because the nomination deadline is well prior to the Christmas film season. Don't believe it? Let's see how many virtually unreleased nominations are flogged this time around ie, "King Kong" and "Munich" – ironic since "King Kong" has had only one preview screening in New York after the nomination deadline and the only people (studio included) who have seen "Munich" are Steven Spielberg and, maybe, his mother.

In fact, in the category of "Best Picture", the HFPA is about as predictive as I am on the outcome of Namibian horse races (if Namibia even has a track.) That's a pretty stupendous feat considering the Golden Globes actually sub-categorize the acting and film categories into two (drama and comedy or musical.) Just last year, the two awards were bestowed on "The Aviator" and "Sideways" (the Oscar went to "Million Dollar Baby".)

Do you want to know the Golden Globe nominees? Don't waste your time waiting for the broadcast. Gather the press clippings of the last six weeks and highlight the most prevalent names in yellow. The only exception is if some "A-lister" that the HFPA wants to salivate over in the pre-show dinner had a studio dumb enough to spring his/her picture in, like, June (in case you're wondering why Renee Zelwegger will squeeze in for "Cinderella Man" or Cameron Diaz pops up for "In Her Shoes" even though her performance and the film itself didn't meet anywhere near the hype and expectations that preceded it.) So you just damn well know that Renee, Cameron, and Reese Witherspoon are locks in a category where they can join such famous past winners as Pia Zadora (no kidding.)

There's nothing wrong with a glorified party passing itself off as entertainment. But the Golden Globes is less a party, and more of a big, expensive, glossy Hollywood brochure. While the name sounds internationally prestigious, they should just be honest and give it the name it deserves. Something like "the Annual Film Suck ‘n Blow Fest" sounds about right...

TAGS: awards golden globes

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