Child of Steel

What's with Hollywood stars and baby naming? I know many of them need recurring therapy but why foist their problems on their kids before they grow up and develop the need for their own?

Take Nicolas Cage for example. He's been a mess from the start. He's the nephew of Francis Ford Coppola, who went nuts when he woke up one morning and realized the 1970's were over. Then he found salvation in Elvis, so much so that he even collected daughter Lisa Marie as a prize (which was quickly lost when Lisa Marie realized she married a compulsive obsessive.) Now, in quick succession, he picks up and marries his restaurant waitress and produces an heir.

And you thought the prodigal son-of-Cage would get a simple name like...Elvis Aaron? Oscar (since Nic actually has one)? Oh, no. How about Kal-El. Kal-El! Superman's Kryptonic name.

Predictions? Little Kal-El will withstand about a dozen school bully attacks. He'll have the first appointment with the school counselor by about his fifth school year. By the time he's 12, he'll see dad's Oscar performance in "Leaving Las Vegas" and conclude that the bottle is his own way to go.

In the meantime, Nic will still be trying to figure how to bury himself next to Elvis.

TAGS: baby cage therapy