....And Then Comes Baby

...And Then Comes Baby

Wow, they're popping out of Hollywood wombs all over the place. It's made for a tough time for this writer. With the entire gossip community on birth watch in New York, L-Lay, and Namibia (odds on Angelina keeping a pendant with a vial of cord blood?), the cupboard is bare on fun stuff - you know, illicit affairs......the joys of consuming mouth-watering placenta (geez Tom - doesn't Scientology have courses on decent humor?) ....Fez's newest raves about his schlong.....eclectic multi-millionaires suing their maids because they didn't keep it in their pants and hate it when somebody makes that information public?

Oh wait - that's all news. So let's go back to the babies. Gwyneth dropped one a short time back and therapists all over the world jumped for joy as she gave this one another one of those names that ensure a new patient for the gang by 2021. Brooke Shields unleashed a girl yesterday. No word on whether her forthcoming gifts include a nice truckload of anti-depressants, courtesy of the best leisure drug dealers in the world (otherwise known as "pharmaceutical manufacturers.) Now Katie and Tom spawned their little kitten Suri in a heavy guarded and sealed silent chamber somewhere (word on whether Katie removed the duct tape and assorted limb cuffs with either sharp instruments or her teeth not known at this time. Or whether some rebel doctor did the world a favor by ramming a few heavy doses of epidural in Putz Tommy's lower spine.)

Anyway, the world now being a place where we look to entertainers as role models instead of, for instance, our own parents, there will no doubt be piles and piles of Suris in your local newspaper birth columns for at least the next 12 months (although couples should not expect free passes to see MI:3 in return. Tommy still needs the big pay.) According to the release from Tom's spokesperson, Suri is a "Jewish" term meaning "princess". This, of course, allows me to categorically state that Tom is not only a putz but a real dumb one as well for, last time I checked, "Jewish" is not a language; Hebrew is (the fine folks at this place in Los Angeles can provide additional information) That being said, as much as I'd get a kick out of Tom and Katie coming up with a name over a nice dinner of matzah, Kosher for Passover Kugel, and a couple of nice glasses of Manischevitz (which Katie could have because no sane Jewish person can argue that it has alcohol content - maybe ethanol...) reality says that "Suri" is probably the name of some spaceship in an L. Ron Hubbard novel (and I have no intention of trying to re-watch "Battleship Earth" as part of the investigation.)

Anyway, we folks here wish all the new parents the best. Okay, we really wish that Brooke and Tom's day-apart spawn become playmates so they can fun while their parents go at each other with meat cleavers (which would be nicer than just carping via the great intermediary, Oprah.) And just think folks - in not even 90 days, a whole new boatload of celebrities will put a halt to their lying and cheating ways and actually have sex with someone they're bound to by a marriage license or "shack-up" arrangement. If you're looking for probables, check those participating in high-risk, high-budget film projects due out in May or June of 2007. You'll at least be getting warm.

Articles:

TOM! KATIE! BABY! {People.com] [ed. Wonder what they'll be paying for the "exclusive photos"]
BROOKE! CHRIS! BABY! [People.com] [ed. see note above]
GWYNETH! CHRIS! BABY! [People.com]

TAGS: cruise holmes shields jolie

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[ READER COMMENTS ]

1

Bob said:

Dont You Have anything Better to do than sit around and talk trash about peoples lifes? Your a freakin Skank! depending how old you are you should be going to school or if you are older you need to get a job because you need to be soing something besides sitting around the house all day watching TV and going on the internet trashing celebratees thatb you are just jealous of! thats why you put them down because you want to be them with their big houses and lots of money...your jealous!

[ed. response - those who hide behind anon e-mail address shouldn't cast stones. Especially when they're tossing them from the San Bernandino County Superintendent of Schools......]

Posted at 07:34 AM, on April 20 2006

(Note: separate multiple email addresses with commas)

...And Then Comes Baby

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