American Idle

Does everybody realize that this is not actually a singing competition but a routine reality show?

Five years later and I'm still waiting for some kind of "talent" to come out of it. Yes, Kelly Clarkson and Clay Aiken became stars but they had to sever ties from their Idol obligations in order to get anywhere.

Now I read that Paula Abdul has signed a fresh 3-year contract with the show. To do what? Continue her mindless, indecipherable analysis, her ridiculous dancing along to just about every performance (depriving viewers of an orchestra-level view of the stage), and discover new ways to sleep with the young guys with long hair?

And why the sludge musical selections every week? How many times can you go through the Motown catalogue before you end up with a gag reflex? If "evolution" means the Neil Sedaka week is replaced by Barry Manilow, I think I'd prefer genital mutilation without anesthesia. I suspect "standards" week will be arranged by Paul Anka instead of somebody relevant like Michael Buble.

Next week is country music. Yee haw. This is probably more her speed, but I'm really hoping that the annoying trollop Kellie Picker flubs a note or two so Simon Cowell (a.k.a. "Hell's Mascot") can make some quip along the lines of "you sounded like a contestant in the Miss Staley County North Carolina Pageant"! (which she actually took part in 2004 along with the state pageant itself, in case "y'all" are still suckered into believing that she's this sweet, naive little rube who's been couped up with the chickens for the last 20 years.

All "American Idol" has proven is that there are at least 28 million viewers in America who are absolutely mad. And will cause at least one moron to spend $200 a seat to see Barry Manilow in Las Vegas because his wife really wants to go - proof that my genital mutilation is coming sooner than you might think....

Articles:

Fox signs 'American Idol' judge Paula Abdul for three more years [realitytvworld.com]
Barry Manilow extends Las Vegas residency [livedaily.com]
An Illicit Affair on "American Idol"? [abcnews.go.com]

TAGS: American Idol Cowell Abdul Manilow