soldier.bmpMemorial Day Weekend Review

In case you need the rundown:

- "X-Men: The Last Stand" dominates the North American box office, assuring us that such a stand might have as many sequels to it as "Police Academy". I'm guessing the reason for this is that most of North America wanted one last weekend out before the hurricanes, volcanoes, and other perilous acts of nature force them to into their basements or cots at the old Houston Astrodome. Otherwise, if somebody told me that the Hollywood box office would be revived by a mediocre comic book penned by the writers who brought you legendary celluloid offerings like "XXX: The State of the Union" and "Elektra" and directed by the man who brought you the seminal auteur work "Rush Hour 2", I'd be temped to beat him senseless with a wet fish. [Variety]

- Thank goodness international audiences thought the wiser. They're still dumping money in buckets on "The Da Vinci Code" proving that, yes indeed, there's profits to be had by making a nice long and boring pile of anti-Christian blashpemy. Or maybe they all decided that Audrey Tautou is hot as opposed to North Americans who can't figure out who she is and can't understand why somebody with true emotional acting depth didn't get the part (say, Eva Langoria). [Variety]

- Taking the above two notes into account, word to Ian McKellen's agent - for the next movie, demand gross points. Why should the the movie business' most honest and upfront flamer be stuck with straight salary when he's pulled in more than twice as much box office this year in two weeks as that Scientologist freak father of baby Suri has done in a month?

- Abdominal soreness headcount: Angelina Jolie, Gwen Stefani, and Mira Sorvino. C-sections all around I understand. What's with this "too posh to push" stuff going on with actresses? Wouldn't it be better to just be like Britney Spears and have a few extra weeks to scarf down on the fast food and iced cappuchinos instead of restoring killer abs within three weeks and not have to worry about such annoying things as carrying the baby for six? On second thought....

- Under the terms of the California "Important Persons Act", Michelle Rodriguez is released after serving just over 4 hours of her 60-day(!) sentence. Proof that California really is it's own universe. If an actress threatened to move to France after leaving jail, most of us (or at least the ones who know that wanting to live in France is already an obvious sign of brain damage) would say "good riddance". In California, where assorted night club owners in LA fear losing one of their best paparazzi-drawing customers, saving face appeasement is a necessity. I wonder how many "unknown" schlubs get only a couple of hours of prison time because of "overcrowding".

- I was actually in Boston when Ben Affleck went to hospital with that bad headache. Proof as to how far his career has really sunk: 1) I didn't hear about it until after I left Boston; and ii) most of you didn't hear about it either until this blurb. [Local6.com]

- Paris Hilton boycotts the Cannes Film Festival premiere of her latest movie, "National Lampoon's Pledge This!" after complaining that producers added lots of naked girls in the final cut and, as such, audiences won't take her acting ambitions seriously. Now...is this statement funny enough as is or should it be an article in and of itself? Let me think about it for a bit. [SFGate.com]

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